Caesar is no better than John Doe

Rome, photo by J.R. Forbus

Julius Caesar walks to the newspaper kiosk every morning

and buys The Roman Tribune.

Most days he skips straight to the comics,

but not this morning.

Today, he’s in the mood for something smart

to go with his cappuccino.

He turns to the crime section:

“Julius Caesar is no better than any John Doe,”

the headline proclaims.

Julius sips his cappuccino and reads on.

"...professional killers these days

work for just about anyone with the coin.

Your neighbor hit your dog?

Your wife makes a terrible lasagna?

Your boss swapped out the good coffee for a cheaper blend?

Hire yourself an independent contractor.

Be a Brutus, find your Caesar."

Julius is outraged.

He drops a few sestertii on the table and storms off.

Nobles no longer have the monopoly on getting killed.

Indeed, democracy has ruined Rome.

by Jason R. Forbus